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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26899804">Breaking and Entering</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenceonset/pseuds/silenceonset'>silenceonset</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Gintama</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Breaking and Entering, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, First Meetings, Fluff, Humor, Idiots in Love, M/M, Oral Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:46:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,898</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26899804</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenceonset/pseuds/silenceonset</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>“Have you eaten?” Hijikata asks, and Gintoki blinks in surprise.</p>
  <p>“I’m sorry?”</p>
  <p>“Have you had dinner?” he asks again, shutting the front door and trapping Gintoki in his house. “I’m cooking.”</p>
  <p>“Uh… it’s alright, really. I shouldn’t impose—”</p>
  <p>“—impose? You broke into my house.”</p>
</blockquote><p>In which Sadaharu takes a fat shit on Hijikata's rug, and Gintoki is too broke to pay him back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>232</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Gintoki's Birthday Bash 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Croissants</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This rug is so fucking ugly.</p><p>The sentence repeats aggressively in Gintoki’s mind as he pats a rug down with wet tissues. Beside him, a fluffy, white Japanese Spitz has one leg in the air, head buried in his crotch, licking away at his tiny balls.</p><p>Gintoki scrubs hard at the unforgiving brown smudge smack in the middle of the ugly rug, but it refuses to go away. He sits back on his haunches, glaring spitefully at the dog, still blissfully nibbling on his balls.</p><p>Gintoki rolls his head back in agony. Could this day get <em>any</em> worse?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Gintoki returns home from a long day at the bakery, tired feet dragging across the concrete floor. He had to stay past closing time to help this stupid new intern, Shinpachi or Shintaro or Shinji or something, get his shitty croissant-folding technique right, and that idiot took about fifteen tries before he finally managed to produce a somewhat decent batch. With a huge box of ugly, unsellable croissants in his arms, Gintoki unlocks the door to his apartment with great difficulty, only to be greeted by a wide-open window, and curtains that have been torn to shreds, now flowing gently in the night breeze.</p><p>“Sadaharu?” he calls, setting the box of croissants down on a table.</p><p>No reply. Peering out of the window, Gintoki hears the faint sound of a dog barking from the flat below.</p><p>“Sadaharu?!” He yells, even louder now.</p><p>Gintoki climbs very cautiously onto the flimsy fire escape platform outside his window. The rusted metal groans in protest, and Gintoki freezes for a moment, just in case the entire stairwell comes crashing down on his head.</p><p>When it doesn’t, he lets out the breath he was holding, and very slowly walks down the narrow stairwell onto the platform below. The window facing him is slightly ajar, but the lights are off. A small, white dog darts around the flat haphazardly, bumping into table legs and floor lamps as he runs.</p><p>“What the fuck,” Gintoki hisses, sliding the window open so he can climb in. The dog runs to him, pawing at his legs, tail wagging at the speed of light. “God, will you shut up already,” Gintoki yell-whispers at him, aggressively ruffling his fur. The dog doesn’t seem to mind at all, his wagging tail striking Gintoki’s calf almost painfully.</p><p>He stumbles aimlessly in the dark until he finally feels the light switch beside the front door. He flips the switch. As his eyes adjust to the light, he squints around him, taking a good look at the apartment he just broke into.</p><p>It’s much cleaner than his own apartment, that’s for sure. The floor is spotless, and there’s barely any decor in the house. The walls are plain, and the furniture—this person only owns the bare minimum—is simple and impersonal. The only thing that doesn’t quite fit in with this house is the open-concept kitchen. There’s a bottle of mayonnaise on the kitchen counter, mayonnaise-print oven mitts, mayonnaise-print hand towels, a mayonnaise-print apron, and a mayonnaise-shaped fridge magnet. Gintoki would open the fridge, but he’s pretty sure he already knows what’s inside.</p><p>Something else, however, also doesn’t quite fit in with the rest of the house. Right in front of the door, there’s a cream-coloured rug. The pattern sewn into the rug is intricate; extremely elaborate. There’s just one problem.</p><p>Right in the middle of the rug, there’s a yellowish-brown lump, emitting a smell so pungent that Gintoki swears he can taste it in his mouth. Gintoki stares at it, trying to put two and two together.</p><p>As he’s doing the math, the white dog trots over, sniffs the lump, snorts, and steps on it, smearing the foreign substance all over the rug. He then totters across the floorboards, leaving little brown paw prints behind him.</p><p>Gintoki stands still as stone, but the blood in his veins rushes to his brain at top speed, and he feels as though his head is going to explode.</p><p>The dog seems to have noticed the intense aura radiating off of Gintoki’s body, because he walks over timidly and whines, offering Gintoki a gentle paw to the leg, and in due process, leaves a cute little brown pawprint on his pristine-white work pants.</p><p>Gintoki squats slowly, looking the dog in the eye. He cowers meekly under Gintoki’s ominous gaze, lying down so his belly is exposed.</p><p>“Sadaharu,” Gintoki says, very calmly, “I think I’m having a stroke.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>And now, Gintoki scrubs, almost out of tissues, with Sadaharu silently grooming himself on the side.</p><p>But of course, the day <em>could</em> get worse. It always could.</p><p>Gintoki hears footsteps outside the door, followed by the sound of a key turning in a lock. His mouth goes dry as the door opens. Behind it stands a man, dressed in a black suit. There’s a police badge hanging from his neck, and a cigarette resting between his lips.</p><p>He stares at Gintoki, and then at Sadaharu, and then at the rug.</p><p>“Welcome home?” Gintoki tries.</p><p>
  
</p><p>The man responds by reaching into his holster, pulling out a pistol, unlocking the safety, and pointing it straight at Gintoki. Gintoki yelps, dropping the tissue in his hand, and raising his hands in surrender.</p><p>“Who are you and what are you doing in my house?”</p><p>
  <em>Great.</em>
</p><p>“Uh, okay, why don’t you put down the gun first? I’m not a burglar, I swear,” Gintoki says, his voice surprisingly calm considering how hard his heart is pounding against his chest.</p><p>“Not a chance,” the guy says coldly, “explain yourself.”</p><p>“Okay, I’m Gintoki, your upstairs neighbour. It’s very nice to meet you.” The man doesn’t seem amused at all. “So my very cute dog, Sadaharu, broke into your apartment and did a little oopsie on your rug, and me, being your very considerate and helpful neighbour, invited myself in to clean up the mess.”</p><p>Gintoki gestures grandly at the soiled rug. “Yeah… I don’t think this is salvageable. I tried really hard, though.”</p><p>The man looks at the rug, but his expression remains neutral.</p><p>“That rug costs 100,000 yen.”</p><p>Gintoki feels the blood drain from his face.</p><p>“S—Sadaharu? Can you go say hi to our new friend?” Gintoki chuckles nervously.</p><p>To his relief, Sadaharu barks excitedly, running towards the man and pawing at his legs. The man looks down at Sadaharu, with his same stoic expression, and frees one of his hands from the gun to pat Sadaharu’s head.</p><p>“There, see? He’s so cute!” Gintoki stammers, “Sadaharu, play dead!”</p><p>Sadaharu lies down on his back obediently, legs in the air as he waits for a belly rub, his tongue hanging off the side of his face as he pants in anticipation.</p><p>“Look, isn’t he just adorable? Can we put away the gun now, big guy?” Gintoki pleads.</p><p>The man glares at him, before stuffing his pistol back in the holster, and bending down to rub Sadaharu’s belly.</p><p>The man stands up, and looks down at Gintoki, still kneeling beside the rug. “Have you eaten?” he asks, and Gintoki blinks in surprise.</p><p>“I’m sorry?”</p><p>“Have you had dinner?” he asks again, shutting the front door and trapping Gintoki in his house. “I’m cooking.”</p><p>“Uh… it’s alright, really. I shouldn’t impose—”</p><p>“—impose? You broke into my house.”</p><p>Gintoki gulps. The man walks to the kitchen and puts on the mayonnaise-print apron hanging on the wall.</p><p>“Sit down,” he says, gesturing towards the dining table, “we have a lot to discuss.”</p><p>Gintoki sheepishly gets up and sits at the dining table, watching as the man cracks an egg and beats it. He oils a pan over the stove and pours the egg into the pan.</p><p>“Um…” Gintoki says, a little uncomfortably. The man’s eyes dart to face him, pan frozen mid-air. “I know I shouldn’t say anything, but I’m a chef, and omelettes should be cooked on low heat.”</p><p>The man glares at Gintoki for a moment, before continuing to cook the omelette. “You’re right,” he says, “you shouldn’t say anything.”</p><p>Gintoki shrinks lower into his seat, keeping his mouth shut. Sadaharu jumps onto the chair next to Gintoki, and Gintoki sighs, reaching out to stroke his white fur.</p><p>“Does Sadaharu-chan want any food?” the man asks, eyes fixed on the omelette. Gintoki realises that the fire is now on low heat. He smirks.</p><p>“Sadaharu-chan? Are we using nicknames now, officer?” he asks in amusement. “You haven’t even told me your name.”</p><p>The man’s cheeks grow red, but maybe it’s just the heat from the stove. “Hijikata Toshiro.”</p><p>“Hijikata…” Gintoki says, letting the words roll of his tongue. That name sounds so familiar, but he just can’t put his finger on it…</p><p>…Until he sees Hijikata plate the omelette and squeeze a massive dollop of mayonnaise on it.</p><p>“You… you’re the guy who ordered four boxes of mayonnaise last month!” Gintoki yells, trying not to gag at the amount on mayonnaise on the omelette.</p><p>Hijikata glances up at him from the omelette. “Are you stalking me? Do I need to arrest you right now?”</p><p>“Excuse me? Why the hell would I stalk a weird mayo-freak like you? The delivery guy got the address wrong and showed up outside my door with a lifetime’s supply of mayo.”</p><p>Hijikata plates the rest of the dishes and sits across Gintoki at the dining table, squirting <em>more</em> mayonnaise on his bowl of rice. Gintoki stares, mouth agape.</p><p>“You know that’s bad for you, right?” he asks seriously this time, growing concerned as he watches Hijikata squeeze the life out of the poor bottle.</p><p>Hijikata slams the empty bottle on the table, and it topples over sadly on its side. “You wanna tell me what’s bad for me? Didn’t your apartment get a cockroach infestation last year?”</p><p>Gintoki chokes on his rice. Did this idiot use mayonnaise to cook his rice instead of water?</p><p>“You can’t prove it was me,” he rebuts indignantly, placing his chopsticks down next to his rice. This food is inedible.</p><p>“I had to sleep over at my boss’ house while the exterminators sprayed the entire building down. I smoked with Otose after I moved back in and she said you’re the worst tenant she’s had in years. The only reason she hasn’t evicted you yet is because you bribe her with pastries.”</p><p>Hijikata swallows, and gently puts down his chopsticks. He clasps his hands together in front of his face.</p><p>“And I know you’re always late on rent, so how do you intend to pay me back for my rug?”</p><p>Gintoki scowls.</p><p>“Okay, well, I think you should give me a huge discount because Sadaharu and I try not to choke to death every day at 7PM when you come home and smoke six packs of cigarettes in a single sitting.” Gintoki folds his arms and leans back in his chair, not willing to give in just yet, especially now that he knows exactly who he’s dealing with.</p><p>“Close your fucking windows. Maybe then your dog wouldn’t break in and shit all over my rug.”</p><p>“Well, I think your rug is fucking ugly, anyway. Throw it away.”</p><p>“It was a gift from my brother before he passed away.”</p><p>They sit in an awkward silence, but Gintoki is too proud to apologise.</p><p>“I am willing to accept payment in the form of food as well,” Hijikata finally says.</p><p>Gintoki relaxes in his seat, trying not to look too relieved.</p><p>“Yeah, not a problem. I actually feel sorry that you eat this dog food every day,” Gintoki says casually, holding out his barely-touched bowl of mayonnaise-infused rice under Sadaharu’s nose. Sadaharu sniffs it, gags, and runs away. “Not even dog food, I guess.”</p><p>A vein throbs in the side of Hijikata’s neck.</p><p>“I was considering giving you a discount, but it’s like you don’t even want it.”</p><p>“Hey, listen. I’ll cook dinner for you every day for a week. <em>Real</em> food. And then I’ll top it up with maybe 30,000 yen.”</p><p>Hijikata raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“30,000 yen? The rug costs 100,000.”</p><p>“Listen, officer, I’m broke, okay? The bakery isn’t doing very well right now and I have a child to feed,” Gintoki points to Sadaharu, who’s licking his dried shit-pawprints off the floor. “What do I have to do? Flash you my tits? Huh? Want me to suck you off? You pent up? Need a little extra spice in your life? You sick bastard—"</p><p>“—ENOUGH!” Hijikata yells, showing the most emotion on his face Gintoki has seen since he walked through that door. His face is beet red as he adjusts his tie, fingers trembling slightly in embarrassment. His eyes are darting <em>everywhere</em> except back at Gintoki, and it’s honestly painful to watch. Typical virgin behaviour. “Enough. I accept your offer. Now please stop talking and get out of my house.”</p><p>“Damn, okay cherry boy,” Gintoki mutters, getting out of his seat and calling for Sadaharu to follow behind.</p><p>He walks out, but his head pokes back in from behind the door again.</p><p>“By the way, I used up all your tissues. Hope you don’t mind, bye!”</p><p>The door slams shut, and Hijikata grits his teeth in an attempt to suppress the urge to scream.</p><p>Later that night, after a hot shower, the doorbell rings. Hijikata opens the door, and there’s a small container of croissants sitting at his doorstep, with a note attached to it:</p><p>Hijikata-kun:</p><p>Sorry about the rug. Take a break from mayonnaise and eat these instead. Your body will thank you.</p><p>Gintoki</p><p>p.s. return me this container when you come for dinner, please. I’m broke and I don’t have enough plates.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Katsudon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hijikata stands outside a door, tapping his foot impatiently as he waits. He’s just finished work and taken a shower, and now he’s in home clothes, standing outside Gintoki’s apartment at 6:45PM.</p>
<p>“Coming, coming!” a muffled voice calls from inside the house.</p>
<p>The door unlocks, and Hijikata is greeted with the sight of Gintoki wearing only a towel around his waist. The towel was clearly tied very hastily, because it slips lower on Gintoki’s hips, dipping dangerously low to reveal a surprisingly defined Adonis belt.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“How shameful,” Hijikata mutters, forcing himself to look away from the pastry chef’s unexpectedly ripped torso.</p>
<p>“The hell, dude?” Gintoki says, using a smaller towel around his neck to dry his hair. “Didn’t I say 7PM? I haven’t even started cooking yet.”</p>
<p>He opens the door wider anyway, and Hijikata walks in, looking around like he’s investigating a crime scene. Gintoki’s house is <em>very</em> messy. The bin in the living room is overflowing, there’s stacks upon stacks of Shonen Jump magazines gathering dust in a corner, and there’s dog fur everywhere. In the kitchen, the sink is filled to the brim with dirty dishes, and a giant box of croissants sit on the cramped counter.</p>
<p>“Relax, there’s no dead body in here, I don’t think,” Gintoki says, tying the towel around his waist more securely. “So, why’re you so early? Excited to see me?”</p>
<p><em>Obviously not</em>, Hijiakta thinks, but his heart starts racing like Gintoki’s seen through him or something, when there’s really nothing to see through. How annoying. Hijikata is just here for reparations, nothing more.</p>
<p>He holds out a clean, empty container to Gintoki.</p>
<p>“Maybe if you did your dishes you’d have enough plates,” Hijikata says, trying his best to sound unfazed.</p>
<p>“Oh, right. Thanks,” Gintoki says, taking it from him. “How were the croissants?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t eat them.”</p>
<p>“What? Why?” Gintoki asks, more than a little offended, “I mean sure, they’re a little ugly because my protégé couldn’t get the folding right, but I made the batter, so I know they’re good! Didn’t your parents teach you not to judge a book by its cover?”</p>
<p>“You could have tried to poison me to avoid having to pay me back. I couldn’t take any risks,” Hijikata says, not a hint of a joke in his voice.</p>
<p>“…are you hearing yourself right now?”</p>
<p>“You broke into my house. How do you expect me to trust you so easily?”</p>
<p>“Why are you here, then?” Gintoki asks, folding his arms across his chest smugly. Hijikata averts his gaze again, confused as to whether he is scandalised or enamoured by the sight of those huge, toned biceps.</p>
<p>“I made my subordinate eat the croissants and he didn’t get a seizure, so I concluded that you have no intentions of killing me.”</p>
<p>Gintoki doesn’t even know what to say. He just stares at Hijikata, his face twisted in confusion and apprehension. “You know, it’s not like I care about you or anything, but I really have to ask, are you okay?”</p>
<p>There it is again, the rush of blood to Hijikata’s face when Gintoki says something that even slightly suggests the possibility of them having anything more than a transactional relationship. Why the hell is it affecting him so much?</p>
<p>“Stop asking me stupid questions. Are you going to cook, or not?”</p>
<p>That came out far snappier than Hijikata had intended.</p>
<p>“Alright, alright,” Gintoki says, a little taken aback by the sudden hostility. “I’ll go put on some clothes. Take a seat.”</p>
<p>Hijikata huffs in annoyance and sits stiffly on the couch—covered in a concerning number of suspicious stains—which sinks in sadly on itself. Sadaharu trots over and jumps up, snuggling against Hijikata’s side.</p>
<p>As he scratches the top of Sadaharu’s head, Hijikata finds himself smiling. Even though he’s fully aware of the fact that this dog had utterly destroyed one of his most prized possessions, and forced him to have to deal with one of the most annoying people he’s ever met in his life, Hijikata can’t bring himself to resent it. As Sadaharu falls asleep on the couch, body warming up against Hijikata’s thigh, a voice emerges from the distance.</p>
<p>“Aww,” Gintoki coos, leaning up against a wall and folding his arms. He’s wearing a hoodie and sweatpants now, to Hijikata’s relief. “Look at the two of you, getting along so well.”</p>
<p>“Shut up,” Hijikata says flatly, mildly annoyed to have that peaceful moment ruined. Gintoki scoffs and heads to the kitchen to prepare dinner. Hijikata follows, careful not to wake Sadaharu, and sits at the dining table.</p>
<p>“Just letting you know, I don’t have any mayonnaise in my house,” Gintoki says as he works behind the island. “Condiments are an insult to gourmet food.”</p>
<p>“Gourmet food? You’re just a pastry chef. But not to worry, I don’t trust your cooking enough not to bring my own.” Hijikata pulls a bottle of mayonnaise out from his pocket and slams it proudly on the table.</p>
<p>“Ohh, that was a bottle of mayo in your pants? I thought you were just happy to see me,” Gintoki says, annoyingly smoothly, and winks at Hijikata as he cracks an egg into a bowl with one hand.</p>
<p>Hijikata clenches his jaw. This man is dangerous.</p>
<p>“Stop making baseless accusations.”</p>
<p>“Hmm? Wasn’t that why you showed up 15 minutes early?” Gintoki has a way of sounding unnervingly flippant as he says these outlandishly shameless things, and Hijikata hates it.</p>
<p>“I take punctuality very seriously, as should you.”</p>
<p>“God, you’re so boring,” Gintoki laughs as he brings two plates of food to the dining table. He sets down the food, and an overwhelming fragrance makes Hijikata’s mouth water. “Katsudon,” Gintoki says as he sits opposite Hijikata, “enjoy.”</p>
<p>“Thanks for the food,” Hijikata murmurs, trying not to sound too excited about the feast before him.</p>
<p>The pork cutlet has been deep-fried to a crisp, golden brown, topped with onions and a perfectly-placed poached egg. It looks amazing. Hijikata takes a bite, and has to physically stop himself from moaning. He rests his head on the back of his hand, hiding his face from Gintoki.</p>
<p>“Don’t be shy, I know it’s good,” Gintoki says with a full mouth.</p>
<p>“I didn’t say anything.” Hijikata clears his throat, and proceeds to generously dump mayonnaise on top of the pork. He shoves a couple spoonfuls into his mouth, trying to calm himself with the taste of what he’s familiar with.</p>
<p>“Gross,” Gintoki comments, turning his attention to his own plate.</p>
<p>They eat in silence, Hijikata wolfing down his food as quickly as he can so that he doesn’t have time to think about how good of a cook Gintoki is.</p>
<p>As Hijikata chews in concentration, he feels something fluffy brush against his calf. He looks down to see Sadaharu curled up under his chair. Hijikata smiles, and scoops him up to nestle in his lap.</p>
<p>“You got a thing for dogs, huh,” Gintoki says, and Hijikata finally looks up at him.</p>
<p>“He is very cute. I’m surprised you were able to afford him.”</p>
<p>“Oh, nah, I just found him outside my door one day,” Gintoki says, and Hijikata wonders why he even assumed that Gintoki had the type of money to buy a pure-bred Japanese Spitz puppy. “Why don’t you get one? Maybe it’ll make you less angsty.”</p>
<p>“I’m too busy with work, I don’t have time for commitments like that,” Hijikata replies simply, choosing to ignore the “angsty” part.</p>
<p>“No girlfriend, then,” Gintoki deduces, a smirk dancing on his lips as he chews. “What a pity.”</p>
<p>“Pity?” Hijikata repeats carefully, sirens wailing in his head.</p>
<p>“I mean, you know you’re hot, right?” Gintoki asks easily, spoon scraping against the side of his bowl.</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” Hijikata feels like his head is on fire.</p>
<p>“Besides the whole mayo thing, that is,” Gintoki clarifies, waving his fork vaguely at Hijikata’s food. As if that’s what Hijikata’s freaking out about.</p>
<p>“I’m… <em>hot</em>?” he says again.</p>
<p>Gintoki looks at Hijikata, and laughs.</p>
<p>“Are you making fun of me?” Hijikata asks now, defensive, hurt, and maybe even a little embarrassed that he had believed Gintoki for even a second.</p>
<p>“What? No!” Gintoki says seriously, “Are you kidding? Why would I do that? You’re literally the epitome of an ikemen!”</p>
<p>Hijikata is speechless. He has never heard anyone say that about him before, and quite frankly, doesn’t know how to react to it.</p>
<p>“Well, what about you? Do you have a girlfriend?” he stammers, quickly attempting to change the topic.</p>
<p>“Aww, you think I’m hot?” Gintoki asks, and Hijikata knows he’s enjoying himself.</p>
<p>“You are… above average,” Hijikata admits, very awkwardly stabbing at his rice. Gintoki smiles, a bit too sweetly for Hijikata’s liking. He shifts in his seat uncomfortably.</p>
<p>“Thanks, hottie. I’m single, though,” Gintoki replies, leaning forward on the table, eyes locked on Hijikata’s. “Are you interested?”</p>
<p>Hijikata’s mouth goes dry. Is he?</p>
<p>“I should get going.”</p>
<p>He gets up from his chair, stumbling a little, and is about to walk to the door when Gintoki grabs onto his arm.</p>
<p>“Wait, no! I rented out the DVD of <em>My Neighbour Pedoro</em> so we could watch it together!”</p>
<p>Hijikata yanks his hand from Gintoki’s grip, and glares at him.</p>
<p>And to Hijikata’s disbelief, Gintoki <em>pouts</em>. A grown man, resorting to these lowly tactics in a desperate bid for company, and somehow it <em>works</em>. Hijikata finds himself hesitating. He’d like to think he has self-control (and self-respect), but damn it to hell if <em>My Neighbour Pedoro</em> isn’t one of his favourite movies of all time. It also isn’t any help at all that Gintoki is the most charismatic piece of shit Hijikata has ever had the fortune of meeting.</p>
<p>“Thursday,” he says with a note of finality, and heads to the door. “Thanks for dinner.”</p>
<p>“Anytime, darling~!” Gintoki replies cheerily, and Hijikata bolts out the door before Gintoki notices the tips of his ears flush red.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chicken Pie</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“For the last time, Kondo-san, I know,” Hijikata sighs into his cell phone, dropping his cigarette butt on the ground.</p><p>“Yes, Bargain Dash ice-cream cake, yes, I know what the inscription is,” he says, grinding down hard on the cigarette butt with his shoe. A physical outlet to vent his frustrations so that he doesn’t accidentally snap and take it out on his superior officer.</p><p>Hijikata’s foot freezes as Kondo says something on the phone. “Kondo-san, I’m in public,” he whispers, now trudging along a street. “No, I don’t wanna say it.”</p><p>Kondo says something assertive on the phone, and Hijikata sighs, squeezing his eyes shut in agony.</p><p>“To my dearest Otae-san, sorry for stealing your panties, please forgive me, love, Isao,” Hijikata mutters reluctantly under his breath.</p><p>Kondo chirps happily on the other end of the line. Hijikata hangs up sourly and shoves his phone into his pocket, still walking along the street.</p><p>He finally stops in front of a humble bakery and enters. The bell tinkles, and the cool air-conditioned atmosphere calms Hijikata down from the harsh afternoon sun. He isn’t pleased about the fact that Kondo had asked him to help with a personal favour during his lunch break, but he supposes this bakery isn’t a bad place to eat at, since he’s collecting Kondo’s cake here anyway. The ambience is calming, the lights are warm and inviting, it’s nice and quiet, and most importantly, it smells like heaven.</p><p>“Welcome!” A bashful voice comes from behind the cake display, and a boy bows politely at Hijikata.</p><p>He walks up to the display, and gets a closer look at the boy. He’s very young, maybe still in high school. He’s bespectacled, and has a neat bowl cut. Hijikata wonders if he knows about the cake.</p><p>“Yeah hi, I’m here to collect a cake for Kondo Isao,” Hijikata says, as casually as he can. The man behind the counter gasps, but then laughs politely to ease the situation.</p><p>“Yes, sir, coming right up!” he says with a smile, but Hijikata knows this boy is secretly judging the hell out of him. Just as Hijikata suspects, the boy turns back to the kitchen.</p><p>“Gin-san!” he shouts, turning back to glance at Hijikata before he lowers his voice. “It’s the panty-cake guy!” he yell-whispers, not very discreetly.</p><p>Hijikata clenches his jaw at the accusation.</p><p>From the kitchen, a man walks out with a cake box, untying his apron as he approaches the counter. Hijikata can’t get a good look of his face, but he’d recognise that mess of white hair anywhere. Their eyes meet, and both of them freeze.</p><p>And after a brief moment, Hijikata sees a smirk creep onto the man’s face.</p><p>“Hijikata-kun!” he chirps loudly, setting the box on the counter, “did you come to visit me?”</p><p>Hijikata scowls. The boy looks between the two of them.</p><p>“You know him?” he asks, confused.</p><p>“This is the mayo-freak I was telling you about,” Gintoki replies casually, as if Hijikata isn’t quite literally standing in front of him right now.</p><p>“Oh, your virgin neighbour!” the boy snaps his fingers in revelation, like it’s a perfectly normal thing to say. Gintoki laughs and nods.</p><p>“Stop talking about me like I’m not here,” Hijikata grumbles. “Where’s the cake?”</p><p>Gintoki leans over the counter and grins his sleazy grin at Hijikata. “Never took you for that type, but whose panties did you steal?” he asks, and it takes all of his willpower for Hijikata not to slap Gintoki across the face.</p><p>“I didn’t order it, you idiot. I’m just here to collect it for my superi—” Hijikata stops himself before he can say more. He clears his throat. “For a perp, who was <em>arrested</em> for stealing panties,” he corrects himself. Close call.</p><p>Gintoki looks thoughtfully at him, barely buying the act. “Are you on lunch break?” he asks.</p><p>Hijikata blinks. “What.”</p><p>Gintoki takes off his apron and slaps it on the counter. “Shinpachi, heat up some pie for us.”</p><p>The boy nods and scurries away into the kitchen. Gintoki emerges from behind the counter and beckons for Hijikata to join him at a table. “Eat with me.”</p><p>Hijikata clenches his jaw. He can’t tell if his head is pounding from anger or nervousness.</p><p>“I’m not eating lunch with you, just give me the cake,” he hisses, trying to reach over the cake display to grab the cake box, but his hand misses by a couple inches.</p><p>“Come on, it’s on the house!” Gintoki says, “I’ll get you that cake once we’re done eating.”</p><p>Hijikata glowers at him for a moment, before finally dragging his feet towards the table. He sits awkwardly across Gintoki, realising that the table is far too small for two grown men to feel comfortable sitting at. Gintoki smiles.</p><p>“This table’s a little small, huh?” he asks, as if reading Hijikata’s mind.</p><p>Hijikata grunts in reply, not bothering to even spare a glance at Gintoki. Just at that moment, Shinpachi comes to the rescue, serving up two large slices of chicken pie, the delicious, savoury scent invading Hijikata’s nostrils.</p><p>“Thanks for the food,” Gintoki chants, and picks up a fork to eat.</p><p>Patting down his pockets, Hijikata realises that he’s forgotten to bring his bottle of mayonnaise. With a resigned sigh, he picks up his fork and starts to eat as well.</p><p>The chicken is tender and flavourful, and the crust of the pie falls apart in Hijikata’s mouth ever so delicately. Hijikata never thought he’d say this, but this pie is good even without mayonnaise. Even though Shinpachi had cut up a huge slice for him, it isn’t nearly enough at all, so Hijikata takes his time to savour every bite, because his gigantic ego won’t allow him to ask for another slice.</p><p>“Did you make this?” he asks, not sure what answer he’s hoping for.</p><p>Gintoki looks at him curiously. “Why?”</p><p>Hijikata finds himself physically incapable of answering that question truthfully. “Just asking.”</p><p>“Is it good?”</p><p>Hijikata glances up briefly at Gintoki as he finishes his pie, and nods slightly.</p><p>“Yeah, I made it,” Gintoki says smugly, folding his arms as he leans back in his chair. Hijikata rolls his eyes.</p><p>“How did you know I work here?” Gintoki asks, “did you stalk me?” He wriggles his eyebrows suggestively, as if excited by the idea of it. Hijikata’s gut clenches at the accusation.</p><p>“This was purely a coincidence,” he clarifies, raising his voice a little in defence, “and now that I know you work here, I definitely won’t be coming back.”</p><p>He gets up from his seat and adjusts his tie. “Heyyy, don’t be mean, I gave you free lunch!” Gintoki whines, pouting from his seat. Again. And Hijikata has to quickly look away before the blood rises to his face.</p><p>“Whatever. Get me the cake,” he mutters, taking out his wallet so he can busy himself with something other than making eye contact with Gintoki.</p><p>Gintoki sighs and dramatically gets out of his seat, shuffling his feet behind the counter with a painful lack of urgency. Hijikata can’t read him, doesn’t know what the hell he’s up to at any given point, and it pisses him off. He counts the notes in his wallet again and again, wanting nothing more than to get the hell out of here.</p><p>Even though he’s not looking, Hijikata can feel the intensity of Gintoki’s lingering gaze on him as he packs the cake box into a plastic bag.</p><p>“Shinpachi, ring him up,” Gintoki says flatly, and the boy pops out of the kitchen to man the cashier. As he counts the money that Hijikata hands him, Shinpachi says something very concerning:</p><p>“You know, it’s funny because my sister’s name is Otae too.”</p><p>Hijikata’s eyes widen, and he shares a quick glance with Gintoki, who looks like he’s about to burst into laughter.</p><p>“Um, I don’t see what that has to do with anything,” Hijikata says rigidly, quickly accepting the change and shoving it in his wallet. He hastily grabs the cake off the counter, thanks Shinpachi, and marches towards the door.</p><p>“See you tonight, babe!” Gintoki shouts just as the door closes, and Hijikata turns to see both of them waving through the glass; Shinpachi waves politely while Gintoki waves like a woman bidding farewell to her husband who was drafted for war—wiping at his non-existent tears and blowing kisses in Hijikata’s direction. Hijikata rolls his eyes and walks away, but he lets a smile creep on his face the moment he’s sure they can’t see him.</p><p>And when he looks into the plastic bag, he realises there’s something else on top of the cake box: in a small container, a huge slice of chicken pie.</p><p>Maybe Hijikata ought to thank Kondo for ordering the cake after all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Spaghetti</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hijikata sits upright at his desk, eyes following the second hand of the office clock as it ticks its way to twelve. Ten more seconds. He inhales, and the remainder of his cigarette crumbles to ash. The moment the clock strikes six, Hijikata is out the door.</p>
<p>“Got somewhere to be, Hijikata-san?” a flat voice calls from one of the cubicles in the office bullpen.</p>
<p>Hijikata glances at his subordinate, who has his feet propped up on his desk.</p>
<p>“Put your feet down, Sogo. This is an office, not your house,” he snaps as he storms towards the lift.</p>
<p>“Whatever,” Sogo says, leaning further back in his chair, “bring more croissants tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“Have fun on your date, Vice-Chief!” another voice chimes in. The owner of the voice waves earnestly, sincerely meaning Hijikata well. Still annoying.</p>
<p>“Can it, Yamazaki,” he replies, unamused, and Yamazaki’s smile drops. “Finish up that report and e-mail it to me by tonight.”</p>
<p>The lift doors close, and Hijikata heaves a sigh. It’s been a long day at work, and his shoulders are sore from doing paperwork for hours on end. He would never admit it, but he’s actually looking forward to seeing Gintoki right now. The past few days at his house have been oddly enough, Hijikata’s favourite part of the day. Dinner was good, and although Gintoki constantly gets on his nerves with snarky comments, they were always tethering on the fine line between savage roasting and shameless flirting, and Hijikata would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the thrill. And finally, today is Thursday—movie night—an excuse for the two of them to spend more time together than necessary. Hijikata can barely keep still.</p>
<p>He gets home and takes a hot shower, before throwing on a T-shirt and a pair of drawstring pants. After taking the stairs up to Gintoki’s apartment, and before he rings the doorbell, Hijikata checks his watch.</p>
<p>6:30PM.</p>
<p>Only then does he realise he’s panting. What the hell was he rushing for? How embarrassing. Before he can turn around and head back home, the door swings open, and Gintoki is greeted by the sight of Hijikata doubled over, hands on his knees, hair still wet from his shower.</p>
<p>“Damn, did you run here from work?” Gintoki asks, inviting Hijikata in.</p>
<p>“No, I showered.”</p>
<p>“Wow, record timing!” Gintoki beams, looking at his watch. He’s still in his uniform.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to show up so early. If you need more time I’ll just head back and come back at sev—”</p>
<p>“—you’re already here, stupid. Just take a seat,” Gintoki says casually, waving off Hijikata’s awkwardness.</p>
<p>Noticing how little Gintoki cares, Hijikata lets his shoulders go slack as he sits on the couch. Sadaharu hops up excitedly next to Hijikata.</p>
<p>“I’ll be quick,” Gintoki says, “there’s donuts in the kitchen if you’re hungry.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay, take your time,” Hijikata insists, scratching the back of Sadaharu’s ear.</p>
<p>“Alright, weirdo,” Gintoki chuckles, and the sound causes something to bloom in Hijikata’s chest.</p>
<p>He takes a deep breath as Gintoki heads to the toilet, and exhales when he hears the door close. He buries his head in his hands.</p>
<p>Sadaharu places a paw on Hijikata’s thigh, and tilts his head in confusion. Hijikata peeks at him through the gaps in his fingers.</p>
<p>“I can see why you chose to live with him,” Hijikata whispers, and Sadaharu licks the back of his hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Gintoki emerges out of the shower and immediately starts cooking. Hijikata watches from the dining table, just as they’ve done the day before.</p>
<p>“Hey, see that envelope on the table?” Gintoki asks, and Hijikata looks at the envelope in front of him. “I got my pay today, so that’s for you.”</p>
<p>Hijikata opens the envelope. There’s 10,000 yen in it.</p>
<p>“I know it’s not much, but this will have to do for now,” he continues. Hijikata wasn’t expecting to get paid back this soon, but he’ll take it.</p>
<p>“I’m actually impressed that you’re keeping your word,” he says, neatly folding the envelope and placing it in his pocket.</p>
<p>“Hey, I’m broke, not dishonest,” Gintoki huffs.</p>
<p>He walks over with two servings of spaghetti. Hijikata reaches into his pockets, and realises he forgot to bring his trusty bottle of mayonnaise.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong? Forgot something?” Gintoki taunts, walking over to the fridge.</p>
<p>Hijikata scowls at him as he returns, but it disappears the moment Gintoki holds out what he went to grab—a brand new, cold bottle of mayonnaise.</p>
<p>“The seal’s unbroken, before you accuse me of poisoning it,” he adds, and Hijikata finds himself laughing at the joke.</p>
<p>He cracks open the lid and squeezes a good amount on his food before taking a bite. It’s so good that he doesn’t even realise that Gintoki hasn’t started eating until he’s halfway through his meal.</p>
<p>“I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you smile,” Gintoki says, and Hijikata’s fork stops twirling. He looks up, and sees that Gintoki’s spaghetti is untouched.</p>
<p>“…so?”</p>
<p>Gintoki smiles, and shrugs, picking up his cutlery. “Nothing,” he says lightly, beginning to eat.</p>
<p>Hijikata spends the rest of the dinner looking down intensely as he eats, hoping his bangs are long enough to hide the blush on his cheeks. They finish their food in a bashful silence, Hijikata’s heart beating like he’s a schoolgirl eating lunch with her crush on the rooftop.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>After dinner, Hijikata settles down on the couch with Sadaharu while Gintoki sets up the movie on his TV.</p>
<p>“There we go,” he says as the menu finally shows up on the screen.</p>
<p>Gintoki sits next to Hijikata, Sadaharu’s tiny body being the only thing separating them. Hijikata realises that they’ve never been in such close proximity before, because Gintoki smells like strawberries, and he can’t decide if that’s cute or pathetic.</p>
<p>“Mm, you smell nice,” Gintoki comments casually, hitting play on the remote. Hijikata stares at him, unsure of what to say. “At least your shampoo isn’t mayonnaise-scented.”</p>
<p>“Shut up.”</p>
<p>They turn their attention towards the screen as the movie starts. Both of them are completely absorbed, barely shifting from their positions on the couch throughout. It’s only when the film inches towards its climax that Hijikata starts glancing sideways at Gintoki. He had watched this thrice in theatres when it first came out, so he knows he’s going to tear up soon enough. Sure, it won’t be as bad as when he bawled his eyes out on his first viewing, but he knows that if Gintoki catches so much as a single hint of a tear welling up in his eye, he’d never hear the end of it.</p>
<p>Luckily for him, Gintoki is struggling to keep his eyes open, head dangling dangerously close to Hijikata’s shoulder. Under all other circumstances, Hijikata would rudely wake him up with a slap to the head, but this is actually working in his favour. If Gintoki sleeps through the sad part, he would never find out that Hijikata has working tear ducts. Also, definitely not one of the reasons Hijikata can’t bear to wake Gintoki up, but it’s worth mentioning that his strawberry shampoo smells really good up close.</p>
<p>Finally, the movie reaches its climax, and Hijikata blinks rapidly to keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks. It seems that he had gravely underestimated the emotional payoff in this scene because it’s been so long since his last viewing. At this point, Gintoki’s head is resting heavily on Hijikata’s shoulder, sound asleep.</p>
<p>But Hijikata has never been a lucky person.</p>
<p>Gintoki jostles in his sleep, and sits upright.</p>
<p>“Ugh, fuck, I fell asleep,” he groans, rubbing his eyes. Hijikata turns to him for a split second, and their eyes meet. “Oh my god, are you cryi—”</p>
<p>—Hijikata grabs the sides of Gintoki’s head and crashes their lips together.</p>
<p>He squeezes his eyes shut, and the tears streak down his face. Gintoki grunts in surprise, but his shoulders eventually relax, and he kisses back, hand resting on Hijikata’s thigh.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p><br/><br/>They sit there for a couple minutes, eyes shut as they move their lips and their tongues slowly against each other. Hijikata was supposed to break the kiss ages ago, but Gintoki is a really, <em>really</em> good kisser.</p>
<p>They finally break apart when Hijikata runs out of air, gasping and wiping roughly against his slick lips. His eyes are red from crying, his cheeks flushed and sticky with tears.</p>
<p>“Woah,” Gintoki breathes, eyes wide with adrenaline. They soften the moment he notices the mess that is Hijikata’s face, and he reaches a hand out to wipe the tears on his cheek.</p>
<p>“Hey, you okay?” Gintoki whispers, stroking Hijikata’s cheek with his thumb. Hijikata slaps Gintoki’s hand away and aggressively rubs at his eyes.</p>
<p>“I need to go.”</p>
<p>He gets up from the couch and stumbles towards the door.</p>
<p>“Hijikata—”</p>
<p>He slams the door shut behind him, and all that’s left is Sadaharu’s confused barking, and the sound of his own heartbeat ringing in his ears.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Curry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Do you think he hates me?”</p><p>Gintoki slabs a blob of frosting on a two-tier cake, his wrist flopping sadly as he half-heartedly works the cream along the side. Beside him, a young girl leans against the counter, filling up empty bags with coloured icing.</p><p>“Most people do,” she says flatly, not even sparing his miserable ass a glance, “but you’re clearly just overthinking this.”</p><p>“I’m overthinking this?” Gintoki asks, pointing a finger at himself in disbelief, “he kissed me and ran away in <em>tears</em>, Kagura.”</p><p>Kagura rolls her eyes dramatically. “Ugh, this is heartbroken Soyo all over again.” She pauses, bringing her finger up to her chin as if in realisation. “Oh my god, Gin-chan, you should come visit me in school someday, you’d fit right in with the girls.”</p><p>Gintoki dumps the rest of the white frosting on the top of the cake. “Kagura, this is important! I didn’t sleep at all last night, and you know how much Gin-chan loves sleeping,” he cries in despair, “I even left some donuts outside his door last night, but he probably just threw them out the window or something…”</p><p>Gintoki gasps, slamming his hands on the counter. “What if he doesn’t come over for dinner tonight?”</p><p>“I don’t understand why you’re so hung up on this. Didn’t you break into his house? Just do it again if he doesn’t show up.”</p><p>Gintoki stares blankly at Kagura, who’s now pumping icing straight into her mouth from the bag.</p><p>“God, I don’t know why I bother with you,” Gintoki mutters, turning his attention back to the cake with a sigh.</p><p>“Hey, we’re both degenerates, you’re not allowed to judge me,” Kagura says with a full mouth. “Anyway, this icing is bland as hell, what the fuck?”</p><p>She turns to the intern washing the dishes, and waves the bags of icing in the air. “Oi, Shinpachi, this tastes like your personality! Is this icing or Vaseline, four eyes? Redo it,” she yells, and Shinpachi scrambles along meekly, bowing in apology as he rushes to make more icing from scratch.</p><p>“Kids these days,” Kagura sighs, putting her hands on her hips and shaking her head gravely.</p><p>“You know he’s four years older than you, right?” Gintoki asks.</p><p>Kagura smiles easily and jabs him in the chest, very painfully. “There’s a strict pecking order around here, and you’re beneath me too, old man,” she sneers, threateningly thumbing her nose before marching away with a stride far too wide for her tiny body.</p><p><em>Kids these days indeed</em>, Gintoki thinks to himself, wondering why he even bothered confiding in a 14-year-old schoolgirl about his love life.</p><p>The events from last night have been spinning around in his head non-stop since Hijikata had left his house, and Gintoki is incredibly confused. Hijikata had pulled a Cinderella on him, leaving him not with a glass slipper, but with a very shameful case of morning wood instead; this was the first time he’d actually felt guilty masturbating in the shower.</p><p>But he supposes Kagura has a point—if Hijikata doesn’t show up tonight, Gintoki is going to bring the dinner to Hijikata’s apartment instead. It’s the first time he’s actually had fun on “dates” in a long time, if that’s what their meetings even are, and Gintoki is not ready to give that up.</p><p>But of course, the main and most important reason for his insistence is clearly because he is a man of his word, and fully intends to fulfil his promise of cooking and repaying his 30,000-yen debt to his neighbour.</p><p>That’s what’s important here, definitely not because he <em>likes</em> Hijikata or anything, nope.</p><p>“Oi, Gin-chan, snap out of it!” Kagura shouts across the kitchen, and a whisk connects with his skull.</p><p>As he absentmindedly brings a hand up to rub away the pain, Gintoki realises he’s dented a hole in the cake with his spatula.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Gintoki waits on his living room couch, foot tapping impatiently as he stares at his reflection in the TV. Laid out in front of him on the coffee table are two plastic containers full of curry and rice, prepared by Gintoki himself. Sadaharu paws playfully at his tapping foot, and barks, as if in question.</p><p>“Quiet, boy,” Gintoki hisses, trying to listen for the sound of footsteps in the corridor outside.</p><p>It’s already 6:45PM, and there’s no sign of Hijikata anywhere. And then, through a gap in the window, the smell of cigarette smoke wafts into the apartment.</p><p>Gintoki sighs, burying his head in his hands.  So he <em>is</em> at home.</p><p>He waits until the clock strikes 7:01PM before grabbing the containers and marching downstairs. He had briefly considered bringing Sadaharu along as a bargaining chip, but ultimately decided against it, just in case another “accident” happens.</p><p>He rings the doorbell to Hijikata’s apartment, and the door swings open.</p><p>Hijikata barely spares Gintoki a glance, before quickly averting his eyes.</p><p>“You’re late,” Gintoki says proudly, raising his watch to show the time. “So much for punctuality, huh?”</p><p>“Listen, let’s just end this,” Hijikata sighs, still not looking at Gintoki.</p><p>“End what?” Gintoki snaps. “I’m just trying to pay you back.”</p><p>Hijikata waves a hand dismissively. “You’ve done enough, I won’t pursue this matter anymore,” he says, closing the door.</p><p>“Hey, don’t be an asshole!” Gintoki yells, jamming his foot in front of the door so it can’t close. “I already cooked,” he says, lifting up the containers to show Hijikata.</p><p>“Okay, fine,” Hijikata sighs, cracking the door open a bit more, “but this is the last time.”</p><p>Gintoki looks at him thoughtfully, trying his best not to look too disappointed. “Okay. Deal.”</p><p>He enters the apartment and sees that the box of donuts that he had left outside Hijikata’s door just the night before, is now sitting on the kitchen counter, untouched. He feels a pang in his chest, and immediately busies himself with setting up the dining table. Hijikata puts out his cigarette in an ashtray and trudges over to sit opposite Gintoki.</p><p>“Thank you for the meal,” he says quietly, picking up his cutlery to eat.</p><p>Gintoki offers him a wry smile in reply.</p><p>They eat in silence, and the sound of spoons scraping and clinking against forks has never irritated Gintoki more in his life. This is so awkward. Maybe he shouldn’t even have come.</p><p>“Listen,” Hijikata tries, breaking the silence. This is the first time he’s looking Gintoki in the eye. “About yesterday…”</p><p>“Are you mad at me—”</p><p>“—I’m sorry.”</p><p>They both freeze and look at each other.</p><p>“What? Why would I be mad at you?” Hijikata asks, “I’m the one who ran away.”</p><p>“Well, yeah, why’d you run away?” Gintoki raises his voice defensively. “I spent the entire night trying to figure out what was it I did that upset you.”</p><p>“You didn’t do anything,” Hijikata says firmly. “In any case, just know that I didn’t mean anything by…” he waves his hand awkwardly in the air, “you know, <em>that</em>.”</p><p>Gintoki can’t tell if the sinking feeling in his stomach is from disappointment or embarrassment. He blinks, and then scoffs overdramatically, hoping to god that Hijikata wouldn’t notice either way.</p><p>“Psh, yeah, <em>obviously</em>,” he drawls, rolling his eyes so hard they hurt. “It’s not like I have any feelings for you either.”</p><p>“Um, okay…” Hijikata replies with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>Gintoki shoves the rest of his curry into his mouth, and stands up.</p><p>“And since you’re such an ungrateful bastard, I’m taking these back, thank you very much,” Gintoki announces, making a show of grabbing the donuts off of the kitchen counter. He storms towards the door.</p><p>“Gintoki—"</p><p>“—See you never, officer,” he sneers, and leaves.</p><p>At the dining table, Hijikata blinks in surprise, and takes another bite of curry.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Mayonnaise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You WHAT?” Kagura screams, slamming her piping bag so hard onto the table that custard squirts out the other end.</p>
<p>“I <em>knooooow</em>,” Gintoki whines, sheepishly wiping away the mess on the countertop. “Why did I do that?”</p>
<p>“Wait wait wait, let me get this straight,” Kagura says, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You went to his house to try and salvage the relationship, but then you insulted him in his face, said you never liked him, and that you never want to see him again?”</p>
<p>“He said he didn’t like me first!” Gintoki protests, “A man has to protect his pride, you know?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and now he probably thinks you’re insane.”</p>
<p>“Ugh, stop insulting me,” Gintoki mutters. “You’re a terrible friend.”</p>
<p>“Well, you’re <em>stupid</em>,” Kagura retorts, pumping one of the creampuffs a little too full. “And here I was thinking Soyo was bad.”</p>
<p>Gintoki sighs and picks up the creampuff.</p>
<p>“I guess the only thing I can do now is get over him.”</p>
<p>Even after the incident, Gintoki always looked up hopefully to the door whenever the bell rang, as if he was sure one of the customers who walked in was going to be Hijikata himself. How foolish of him. After all that wishful thinking, Gintoki has to admit that nothing had come out of this little meet cute, and that he should just let it go so he has space in his life to look forward to new things and different people. It’s just that he can’t help but feel pity, for what could have been.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, he really did enjoy spending time with Hijikata.</p>
<p>“Yeah, and after you’re done being a drama queen, can you help Shinpachi mop the floor? He just spilled milk all over the kitchen.”</p>
<p>Gintoki snaps his head around to see the bespectacled boy frantically trying to clean up the mess.</p>
<p>“Fucking Shinpachi,” he mutters under his breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Two weeks have passed since Gintoki last saw Hijikata. It’s been hard, resisting the urge to bring him leftover pastries from work every day. He even managed to finally get a cheque issued for 20,000 yen, which has been sitting on his coffee table for days, but he could never work up the courage to pass it to Hijikata himself. <em>Especially</em> not after their last encounter.</p>
<p>Today, Gintoki’s brought home croissants again. What a terrible reminder of recent events. He glances at the clock on the wall. It’s 1AM, Hijikata’s probably asleep by now. Gintoki packs some croissants into a container (that Hijikata had washed and dried before placing outside Gintoki’s door a few days ago), and places the container and the cheque in a bag. He’s about to leave the house, when he hears a faint knocking on his door.</p>
<p>He freezes.</p>
<p>He leaves the bag on the kitchen counter, and tiptoes to the door to look through the peephole. It’s Hijikata, still in his work clothes.</p>
<p>Gintoki opens the door by a crack.</p>
<p>“Hijikata-kun, it’s 1AM,” Gintoki whispers, as if he’s a fully-functioning member of society who sleeps at normal human hours.</p>
<p>“Hey, yeah, I know, sorry,” Hijikata says, surprisingly apologising immediately instead of making excuses. He looks haggard, and there are heavy bags under his eyes. Looks like Gintoki hasn’t been the only one struggling this past week. Somehow that makes him feel a little better about himself. “I left my keys at work, and now I’m locked out.”</p>
<p>Gintoki blinks.</p>
<p>“Oh, um, do you wanna…” Gintoki asks, trying to ignore the fact that his heart rate has drastically increased.</p>
<p>“No, no, I just need to use your fire escape to get in through my window,” Hijikata says, and Gintoki feels like he’s been crushed by a giant boot.</p>
<p>“Right, of course,” he replies, his voice a little too shrill not to be suspicious. Nevertheless, he lets Hijikata in, and walks over to his window to unlock it.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Hijikata heaves as he climbs over to the other side. Gintoki flashes him a tight-lipped smile as he walks down the stairs, and he feels a smile growing on his cheeks as he watches Hijikata struggle to open his windows.</p>
<p>“Are they locked?” Gintoki asks innocently, and Hijikata grunts in reply, still trying to slide his windows open.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Gintoki yells over the wind. Hijikata looks up at him. “Wanna stay the night?”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Gintoki stares in horror as Hijikata empties the remainder of his mayonnaise onto a half-eaten bowl of rice. He chews ferociously, shoving heaps of food into his mouth, as if he hasn’t eaten for days.</p>
<p>“Dude, you’re gonna choke,” Gintoki says, pushing Hijikata’s glass of water closer towards him. Hijikata grabs it and drinks appreciatively. “Have you eaten at <em>all</em> today?”</p>
<p>Hijikata shakes his head, panting from his long drink of water. “There was a sting operation. I was in tactical gear at 5AM, and it only ended at 8PM.”</p>
<p>“Damn…” Gintoki says, and then something hits him. “Wait, you mean you’ve been stuck outside your house since eight?”</p>
<p>He watches as Hijikata swallows the rest of his rice, refusing to look Gintoki in the eye.</p>
<p>“Are you stupid?” Gintoki yells, “why didn’t you just come here?”</p>
<p>“Stop yelling, you’re giving me a headache,” Hijikata grunts, “I’m here now, aren’t I?”</p>
<p>Gintoki sighs and looks around his kitchen. “Are you still hungry? I have croissants.”</p>
<p>“How ironic,” Hijikata mutters. Gintoki realises his ears are really red. He grins.</p>
<p>“You know, we never finished watching the movie,” he says, standing up to get the box of croissants he had wanted to leave outside Hijikata’s door. He places the box in front of Hijikata.</p>
<p>“Well…” Hijikata says after a very long pause, “I guess I have the rest of the week off, anyway.”</p>
<p>Gintoki nods, biting down hard on his inner lip and trying his best not to break into a smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>They sit side by side, closer together this time because Sadaharu is asleep in Gintoki’s room.</p>
<p>Gintoki skips to where they had left off the last time, and passes a croissant to Hijikata.</p>
<p>He’s not sure if it’s because of the constant crunching of the croissants as they eat, or the fact that there’s no more emotional investment in the movie because they’d started halfway through this time, or simply the fact that Hijikata is sitting so close to him, but Gintoki finds himself barely able to focus on the movie. While Hijikata took a shower in Gintoki’s bathroom, he’d busied himself with setting up the DVD player, and now Hijikata’s sitting next to him in a T-shirt that’s a little too big for him, and Gintoki’s striped boxer briefs. The fact that his hair now smells like strawberries isn’t helping Gintoki’s case either.</p>
<p>“This is so distracting,” Hijikata comments right then, spewing flakes all over the couch. He curses and tries to pick up the flakes with his hand. Gintoki couldn’t agree more.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I’m not even paying attention anymore,” he admits, finishing the croissant in his hand. He watches fondly as Hijikata pours the loose flakes from his hand into his mouth.</p>
<p>“Why did you cry?”</p>
<p>Hijikata chokes a little.</p>
<p>“Because the movie was sad?” Hijikata says, very loudly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.</p>
<p>“Then why did you kiss me?”</p>
<p>Hijikata stares at his hands for a long time, but Gintoki can see the blood rising to his face.</p>
<p>“That was an accident,” he says finally.</p>
<p>“No, it wasn’t.” Gintoki’s voice is firm, but not unkind. Hijikata looks up at him. “Hijikata, do you like me?”</p>
<p>Hijikata looks straight at the screen, but his stare is blank. His jaw clenches. “I told you to stop asking me stupid questions.”</p>
<p>“It’s not a stupid question.” Gintoki can barely hear the sound of his own voice over the pounding of his heart. “Do you?”</p>
<p>Hijikata clears his throat and shifts in his seat, ready to stand up and end this conversation.</p>
<p>“I’m tired, goodni—”</p>
<p>“—I like you.”</p>
<p>Hijikata freezes, his fists clenched, knuckles digging into the couch. Gintoki’s eyes bore holes into the side of Hijikata’s face, willing him to turn towards him, but Hijikata doesn’t budge. All he hears are the soft sound of laughter from the TV, and his own throbbing headache.</p>
<p>“I like you,” Gintoki says again, softer, but surer this time.</p>
<p>Hijikata barely hears it over the noise from the TV, but he does. It’s so clear, and so crisp, and it plays over and over again in his head. As he processes the information in his head, Hijikata feels a warm, calloused hand, brush gently over his white knuckles. He turns to see Gintoki’s face mere inches away from his.</p>
<p>“Hijikata,” Gintoki whispers, his breath fluttering against Hijikata’s cheek, “I’m going to kiss you.”</p>
<p>Hijikata’s breath hitches in his throat.</p>
<p>“If you don’t resist, that means you like me,” Gintoki continues, his thumb running along Hijikata’s knuckles, coaxing them to relax. “Okay?”</p>
<p>Hijikata feels Gintoki lean in, and his eyes squeeze shut. And Gintoki does exactly as he says he would, pressing a soft kiss on Hijikata’s jaw. There’s a pause, and once Gintoki is certain that Hijikata isn’t going to punch him in the face, he takes his time, nibbling on the man’s earlobe, and when he licks a swipe along the shell of Hijikata’s ear, Hijikata finally cracks.</p>
<p>A whimper escapes his lips, and Gintoki takes it as a sign to go further. He kisses along the sharp edge of Hijikata’s jaw, until he reaches his chin. He looks up at Hijikata, who mentally prepares himself for whatever insult Gintoki is going to throw his way for being so easily won over. But Gintoki just smiles, earnestly, and leans in to kiss Hijikata on the lips.</p>
<p>He moves his lips slowly against Hijikata’s, easing him into the motion before slipping a tongue between his lips. Hijikata finally caves, hands coming up to cup the sides of Gintoki’s face, allowing Gintoki’s tongue to enter his mouth. Gintoki rests a hand on his waist, and the other caresses his thigh, sliding dangerously close to the hem of his boxers.</p>
<p>“You taste like mayonnaise,” Gintoki chuckles, and Hijikata feels Gintoki’s lips curl up against his own. A warm feeling blooms in his chest.</p>
<p>“Good,” he mouths, kissing Gintoki back harder.</p>
<p>Gintoki slips his arms under Hijikata’s shirt, and lifts him by the waist onto his lap. Hijikata yelps, hands pressing onto Gintoki’s unfairly-toned pecs to steady himself. Gintoki looks at Hijikata, whose face is flushed a light pink, lips swollen and shiny. The tousling around has caused Hijikata’s shirt to shift to one side, the wide collar revealing collarbones under smooth, pale skin. Gintoki gently pulls him in by the nape of the neck, and presses light kisses along his neck, down to his collarbone.</p>
<p>As he glides his lips along the curve of Hijikata’s shoulder, Gintoki bites down, squeezing hard on Hijikata’s waist, and Hijikata arches his back. He immediately returns the favour, bending forward to suck hard on the side of Gintoki’s neck.</p>
<p>“How dare you,” Gintoki chides, a playful glint in his eyes, before hiking Hijikata up against his hips as he stands.</p>
<p>Hijikata slings his arms around Gintoki’s shoulders in a panic, a little startled by the sudden movement, but there’s nothing to worry about—Gintoki is apparently as strong as he looks. He supports Hijikata by the ass like he weighs <em>nothing</em>, and marches towards the bedroom.</p>
<p>He kicks the door open, and throws Hijikata unceremoniously on the bed. In the corner, unnoticed by both of them, a very scared and confused Sadaharu awakens from his nap, whines, and runs out of the room.</p>
<p>Even in his very disoriented and horny state, Hijikata is somehow still able to tell that Gintoki’s bedroom is in a pathetic state. There’s a heap of dirty clothes on the floor, and Shonen Jump magazines threatening to fall off a bookshelf. The clutter is almost painful to look at.</p>
<p>Hijikata looks down at the mattress.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you have bedshee—”</p>
<p>“—no stupid questions,” Gintoki interrupts, getting on top of Hijikata and slipping his hands under his shirt. He glides his palms across the warm plane of Hijikata’s chest and abs, and Hijikata gasps.</p>
<p>“How do you live like th—”</p>
<p>Gintoki isn’t having any of this. He hastily shuts Hijikata up with his own lips, kissing fervently enough for Hijikata to just give it up already. Hijikata responds by raising his knee, which very unfortunately for Gintoki, grazes hard over his clothed erection.</p>
<p>He stumbles and falls on top of Hijikata, but they keep kissing.</p>
<p>Hijikata frowns as he kisses Gintoki, fingers blindly reaching for the waistband of Gintoki’s sweatpants. Gintoki gets the hint, breaks the kiss, and stands up to throw all his clothes onto the floor, except his briefs. Hijikata follows suit, but feeling confident enough to remove only the T-shirt. Gintoki pins him down on the bed by the shoulders, and gently tilts Hijikata’s chin up to face him with his thumb and forefinger.</p>
<p>Gintoki takes a good look at his face, before his eyes travel downwards, his other hand lightly tracing along Hijikata’s nipples. Hijikata’s hips jerk lightly in response, his eyes rolling back with pleasure.</p>
<p>“You’re so cute,” Gintoki pants, gliding his hands down to rub against the nibs of Hijikata’s nipples. He presses a kiss to Hijikata’s jaw before moving down to suck on his nipple.</p>
<p>Hijikata gasps, arching his back so Gintoki can suck harder. He does, and Hijikata’s nails dig into Gintoki’s shoulder blades unapologetically. Gintoki works harder, flicking his tongue fast and hard, enjoying the way Hijikata flinches with each movement. Finally, he bites.</p>
<p>Hijikata moans.</p>
<p>“Fuck, stop, I’m close,” Hijikata begs, trying to push Gintoki’s head away with a shaky arm. Gintoki obliges, coming up to kiss Hijikata sweetly on the lips.</p>
<p>“Do you want to continue?” he asks, sincerely, nipping at the skin on Hijikata’s neck.</p>
<p>“If you blue-ball me tonight, I’ll arrest you for trespassing,” he says between breaths, and as helpless as he sounds now, Gintoki knows he means it.</p>
<p>And so he slides down slowly onto the floor, kisses Hijikata’s throbbing nipple along the way, until his face is right in front of Hijikata’s crotch. Gintoki looks up at Hijikata with hooded eyes, and sees that Hijikata is <em>blushing</em>. The moment he makes eye contact with Gintoki, he lets his head fall back on the mattress, covering his eyes with his forearm in shame.</p>
<p>Gintoki chuckles at the sight, and slowly pulls down the boxers he had given Hijikata to change into after his shower. They’re stained with precum, and Gintoki makes a mental note to maybe not wash it just yet, you know, for personal reasons.</p>
<p>The boxers give way to a red, throbbing cock, precum dribbling down its shiny head. Gintoki breathes, hot and slow, along Hijikata’s inner thighs, and the veins on his lower belly. Hijikata’s legs fly up to try and shield his dick from Gintoki’s view, his toes flexing so hard Gintoki thinks he might be cramping.</p>
<p>“Don’t be shy,” he laughs, gently prying Hijikata’s thighs away from his penis. He licks a stripe from the base to the head, and Hijikata’s hips jerk upwards.</p>
<p>“Aah…” he cries, voice cracking from sheer desperation.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>He immediately slaps a hand over his mouth in embarrassment, and Gintoki smirks. He wraps his thick fingers around the width of Hijikata’s cock, spits on it, and pumps nice and slow. As Hijikata watches, abs flexing in the same rhythm as Gintoki’s hand, Gintoki bends down and sucks hard on the tip of Hijikata’s cock.</p>
<p> Hijikata screams, hands finding their way into Gintoki’s hair, nails scraping against his scalp as he pulls. Gintoki bobs his head, sucking and using his tongue to milk every possible reaction out of the usually too-stoic officer.</p>
<p>“Gintoki…” Hijikata slurs, crushing Gintoki’s head between his thighs, “I can’t, I’m—”</p>
<p>He cums hard into Gintoki’s mouth, hot and wet, toes curling in pure ecstasy. Gintoki gags as ropes of cum tickle the back of his throat, trying his best to swallow it all. He releases Hijikata’s cock with a wet slurp, gasping for air as cum dribbles down his chin.</p>
<p>“Fuck, you came so much,” he coughs, wiping his chin with the back of his hand and licking off the cum, making sure not to waste a single drop. “When was the last time?”</p>
<p>Hijikata barely registers Gintoki’s question, head still spinning from his orgasm. But when he does, he feels his face heat up.</p>
<p>“I don’t…” is all he manages to say coherently, before his head lolls back on the mattress. He’s only just managed to stop seeing stars when Gintoki hovers over him and grabs the sides of his face roughly.</p>
<p>“Aren’t you pent up then, officer?” he whispers darkly, bending lower to press a sloppy kiss on Hijikata’s lips. Hijikata winces at the taste of his own cum; it doesn’t taste as much like mayonnaise as he had expected.</p>
<p><em>It’s cute</em>, Gintoki thinks, and kisses his sweaty forehead.</p>
<p>He then stands up to remove his briefs, and his very neglected, fully erect cock springs out proudly. Hijikata’s eyes widen, scooching back on the bed.</p>
<p>“It’s not gonna fit,” he mutters anxiously as Gintoki climbs on top of him and kisses a line up his chest. He goes up higher, until his face is level with Hijikata’s.</p>
<p>“Relax for me,” he says softly, parting Hijikata’s lips with two fingers.</p>
<p>Hijikata opens his mouth obediently, sucking sweetly on Gintoki’s fingers until they’re nice and slick. Gintoki removes them, and inserts one of the fingers into Hijikata’s hole.</p>
<p>Hijikata gasps at the sudden penetration, contracting his muscles around Gintoki’s fingers. Gintoki kisses his shoulder gently, and Hijikata tries to relax, as instructed. Gintoki moves slowly, making sure Hijikata gets used to the feeling of his finger, before slowly adding another. Hijikata’s hips tremble as they buckle, his hands buried deep in the locks of Gintoki’s hair.</p>
<p>Gintoki scissors, and curls his fingers, until he finally finds the bundle of nerves hiding along Hijikata’s walls. He strokes it, and Hijikata twitches, a string of gibberish slurring out his mouth. Gintoki curls his fingers again and again, watching Hijikata’s abs tense up with each curl. Gintoki moves, slow and controlled, until Hijikata’s breathing falls into rhythm with his pace. And then, he slowly removes his fingers.</p>
<p>Hijikata groans in protest, hands balling into fists against Gintoki’s scalp to keep him from escaping. Gintoki laughs, and leans over to kiss Hijikata’s Adam’s Apple in reassurance. It works—Hijikata slowly loosens his grip.</p>
<p>Gintoki gets up and lines the head of his cock to Hijikata’s entrance. Before he pushes in, he glances over at the officer to make sure that he’s ready. Hijikata is straining his neck to get a better view, eyebrows knit in what seems like nervousness. Gintoki grabs Hijikata firmly by the waist, and claims him in a fiery kiss to distract him from the initial pain. As their tongues intertwine, Gintoki enters, very slowly, until his hips hit Hijikata’s ass. He breaks the kiss and sweeps Hijikata’s hair out of his face.</p>
<p>“You okay?” he asks, tracing the side of Hijikata’s face with his finger.</p>
<p>Hijikata’s neck glistens with sweat as he pants heavily into Gintoki’s mouth, but he nods anyway. Gintoki smiles, and moves his hips slowly. Hijikata wraps his arms around Gintoki’s nape to steady himself, and Gintoki rests his forehead on Hijikata’s as their bodies rock back and forth to his thrusts. It’s slow and careful, but the feeling of Hijikata’s hot breath on his lips makes him think the patience is worth it.</p>
<p>Gintoki picks up the speed gradually, thoroughly enjoying the sound of Hijikata going “ah, ah, ah,” into his ear. It’s so modest, so reserved, so honest, and Gintoki feels himself falling even harder for this man. He goes faster, harder, gripping tight onto Hijikata’s waist, thumbs digging hard into his sides. Hijikata loses his bearings, cursing incoherently and holding weakly onto Gintoki’s forearms to anchor himself. The bed is creaking and swaying and on the brink of collapse under all their weight, but Hijikata can’t hear or feel any of it. The only thing he does hear is a muffled ringing in his ears, and the only thing he feels is a shiver from his abdomen, zipping through his veins like lightning, every square inch of his skin set aflame.</p>
<p>And then, he feels a warmth spread deep inside of him, filling him up until he’s overflowing. Cum dribbles out of his spent hole, and the mattress sinks next to him as Gintoki crashes onto the bed.</p>
<p>He turns to face the man, still a little dazed from how hard he came. Gintoki smiles wearily at him and licks something wet off his cheek. He looks down and realises that his entire chest and stomach are drizzled in his own cum, before flopping his head back down on the mattress.</p>
<p>Gintoki nuzzles his cheek, and they share a lazy kiss. They lay side by side, not moving a single muscle, just trying to catch their breath. Hijikata’s about to fall asleep, when Gintoki starts talking.</p>
<p>“I always knew you wanted to fuck me,” he taunts, and Hijikata swats his chest lightly. “Does this count as payment?”</p>
<p>“No,” Hijikata says, sweeping Gintoki’s damp hair back to see him better. Gintoki’s smug grin drops.</p>
<p>“I got a cheque for 20,000 yen in the kitche—”</p>
<p>“—I don’t want your money,” Hijikata says, grabbing Gintoki by the sides of his face. “I want you to cook me dinner every day.”</p>
<p>Gintoki smiles.</p>
<p>“And movie nights, too?” he asks excitedly, propping himself up on one elbow.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Hijikata says. “But only at my house, please, your mattress is disgusting.”</p>
<p>Gintoki pouts, and Hijikata kisses his nose.</p>
<p>And as he memorises what happiness looks like on Hijikata Toshiro’s face—the small smile on his lips, the blush over his nose bridge, and the glimmer of light in his eyes—Gintoki makes a mental note to stock his fridge up with mayonnaise, invest in some new bedsheets, and buy treats for Sadaharu for being the world’s best unintentional matchmaker ever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading!</p>
<p>I wrote this for the <a href="https://twitter.com/GintokiBdayBash">Gintoki Birthday Bash 2020</a> event, please check out all other works in the collection and support participating writers and artists as well!</p>
<p>All the fantastic art was done by <a href="https://twitter.com/trapid_v">Trapid</a>, please show her some support on twitter! She has been amazing to work with, and I hope she gets the recognition she deserves.</p>
<p>I also managed to get my good friend <a href="https://twitter.com/m_rosenkov">May</a> to be my beta for this fic. She’s an incredibly talented writer, please support her work on <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_rosenkov">AO3</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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